31 Dec 2011

REVIEW: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age

Brent Cole has written a revised version of Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic to deal with the challenges of digital communication. Nice idea. But poorly executed. The New York Times describes it as ‘brand suicide” on account of the inelegant prose and preponderance of corporate jargon compared to the original. I found it rather repetitive and poorly organised. It felt to me like a long lecture from my grandmother on the need to be nice. And I couldn’t help feeling that you’d have to be super-human to observe consistently all the principles given the awkward fact (rather downplayed in the book) that other people don’t always play nice. But it did make me think and if you can get past the rose-tinted style then there are some good ideas here that will resonate with community managers.
 
The key quote:

“In digital time and space, with open access and frequent communication, the perfunctory principles of corporate activity have largely broken down and been replaced by the basic principles of human relations. If you don’t know how to win friends and influence people in a genuine and positive manner today, not only will you have trouble keeping pace in a marketplace ruled by the consumer, you will also have trouble keeping your people employed.”


Behind the book are two fundamental ideas: 1) Long-term success requires trust-based relationships (the premise of the 1936 work) 2) Digital communication is re-humanising business. The latter is the new dimension -- this isn’t a work for those who feel little has changed with the advent of the Web and social media.

The book draws liberally from other self-help guides. Todd Duncan of ‘Killing the Sale’ fame is cited on the ten fatal mistakes salespeople make. Duncan’s basic insight is that in too many businesses the balance between getting the messengers’ wants and meeting the recipients’ core desires has been lost. Here’s how Duncan analyses interpersonal communications in a sales context:  

Dialogue ................................ Monologue
Considerate .............................Conceited
Authentic .................................Fake
Transparent ............................ Manipulative
Secure ................................... .Needy
Interested in meeting needs .....Interested in making money
Builds trust .............................. Builds tension


Some of the real-world examples are a little thin but one good case study comes from Amy Martin of Digital Royalty who has helped with NASCAR’s highly effective social media work. She comes up with a five-stage engagement ladder. It starts with ‘access’ -- NASCAR fans get unusual levels of access to drivers at race meets.

  • Access leads to connection. (Fans are able to sign the actual racetrack.)
  • Connection leads to relationships.
  • Relationships lead to affinity. (You can’t fake this affinity.)
  • Affinity leads to influence. (There’s a reason so many brands are attracted to NASCAR.)
  • Influence leads to conversion. (These fans would likely buy anything this driver is selling.)

That kind of engagement heirachy could apply to any industry.

The book emphasises the need for authenticity. The strongest quote here is from Wine Library entrepreneur (and another self-help book-writer) Gary Vaynerchuk:

“Engagement has to be heartfelt or it won’t work... You cannot underestimate people’s ability to spot a soulless, bureaucratic tactic a million miles away. It’s a big reason why so many companies that have dipped a toe in social media waters have failed miserably.”


The essential message from this and other examples is that digital technology has led to a shift in power towards consumers and buyers and that if you want to create a lasting business relationship (there’s a reference to Lifetime Customer Value) then you need to establish some kind of a personal relationship with customers.

The book proceeds to update Carnegie’s original guidance.


Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression

1. Take interest in others’ interests. Learn to listen. Everyone’s favourite subject is themselves. Be less self-interested than others and you are more likely to earn their trust. Also see ‘Access Affinity’ below.

2. Smile. It’s contagious. People who smile have more friends. More broadly, be positive. Always begin and end your messages on a positive note.

3. Reign with names. The most beautiful sound in the world is that of your own name being voiced. So use people’s names whenever you can.

4. Listen longer. Not quite repetition of 1. This is more about listening as a constant process, not just something you do when you first get to know someone.

5. Discuss What Matters to Them. This is the Todd Duncan point -- don’t make assumptions about customers, find out what they are interested in, try to connect them with others with similar interests, think about binding them into your community before attempting to transact.

6. Leave Others a Little Better. The idea that there are no neutral conversations -- you either leave your conversation partner feeling better or worse for the exchange.


How to Merit and Maintain Others’ Trust

1. Avoid arguments. Todd Duncan’s Mistake 6. Too much communication resembles that of a court case in which a lawyer sets out an argument and expects the court to accept or reject it. Ignores possibility of compromise that comes from real dialogue.  

2. Never Say, “You’re wrong”. Same idea. Closes down conversation (and things are rarely so simple that you can say something so categorical)

3. Admit Faults Quickly and Emphatically. Authenticity is everything in relationships and if you don’t own up to errors then how are you going to establish trust? Best to come clean. And the quicker you do this the greater the appreciation from your partners.

4. Begin in a Friendly Way. The lack of emotion in digital communication poses a problem. Extra care needs to be taken in making sure the tone is right. Vaynerchuk thinks we’ll have to start thinking and behaving like small-town shop owners.

5. Access Affinity. Make use of the Web to tell you what you have in common with someone. If they are following you, commenting on your work or in the same social network group then you already have a relationship. What can you tell of their interests?

6. Surrender the Credit. One of the hardest things to give up in corporate life. But if you’re serious about collaborative outcomes you can’t afford to get bogged down in arguments over whose idea it was. But will your contribution be recognised?  Presumably yes if the collaboration works. August Turak, one of the founders of MTV, and a Forbes blogger talks of a ‘magical multiplier’ when credit is surrendered.

7. Engage with Empathy. We’re not naturally empathetic -- we need to work at it. Before reacting digitally, put yourself in the recipient’s shoes. How are they likely to react? What’s the most gracious way of handling this? How do I act to maximise the possibility of future collaboration?

8. Appeal to Noble Motives. Basic idea is that you should try to frame things so that collaborators can contribute to the greater good.

9. Share Your Journey. Part of authenticity is recognising that the barriers between the public and personal have largely come down. Judicious sharing of your personal experiences helps build relationships.

10. Throw Down a Challenge. Competition and collaboration aren’t opposites they’re part of the human condition and need to be brought into balance. You can stimulate collaboration by creating a competition that builds on some affinity and stimulates collaboration.

The book finishes with a section rather ambitiously titled ‘How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment’, which applies the same ideas to change management but is of less direct relevance to community managers.

In the end, one of those books where you end up feeling that it could all have been said in a tightly argued blog post. Shame.